October 1st + Black Moon Rising + Sucking Out the Venom

October 1st + Black Moon Rising + Sucking Out the Venom
*Minor self harm discussion warning later in Personal Blog Post

Continue reading “October 1st + Black Moon Rising + Sucking Out the Venom”


PBP: Becoming Bilingual, etc.

I haven’t posted in a while. I haven’t forgotten anyone who bothers to read this. It’s just, I have nothing to talk about other than making Personal Blog Posts (PBPs), and I have been feeling my PBPs were boring. This one probably is too. They’re really for me more than anything. It’s cool if people like it, but I get it.

I’m having a Bipolar hypomanic state. Unfortunately, I’m also dealing with lithium toxicity. So it’s likely I will go off the lithium. Not bad, because I miss taking NSAIDs. Bad, because it typically controls my manias and hypomanias. We’ll just have to see what happens. I’m keeping safe right now.


I’m going to start a thing…current music for personal blog posts. Right now I’m listening to AURORA a lot later. I discovered her a few months ago, and I guess I just wasn’t ready for her music then. She’s fantastic though.


I recently acquired a Pusheen beanie, and I’m living in it. So much glitter and cats ❤


I’ve made paper flower that will be turned into bookmarks thanks to a glue gun and colorful paperclips. I’ll be making more, all going to friends and pen pals. I find the fabric flowers from Michael’s craft store, random buttons bought from Etsy (I needed tons of them), and I used Mod Podge to affix the button to the flower. So far that’s where I am. I think I will make more flowers tomorrow, then start glue gunning the paperclips on them.


Shopping tip: Check out discount stores like TJ Maxx, Ross, or Burlington (in the United States). I got the above for a steal at TJ Maxx. One’s a Kipling cross body bag, and the other is the Kipling 100 pencil case (it doesn’t hold 100 pens, but it holds A LOT). Also I’ve found lately that I dislike long purse straps, so I remove them and carry with the handles. I can fit a lot in the purse. It’s almost like having Mary Poppins’ carpet or Hermione Granger’s magical extension charm ^_^


So I’m picking up where I left off learning Japanese and Hiragana. I really love Living Language, and I’m using the Manga Way to supplement. It’s actually really good! I’m also using the app that comes with the books and disks amongst other apps like Imiwa & Hangul (I would post links, but I’m on satellite internet, and well…we’re running out of our data >_<)



I added a super cute cat charm to my traveler’s notebook. Thanks to September’s cat themed Doki Doki box!


My Night Vale books came today. It’s really cool of them to put the script in print. I also received my TAPS shirt from when I was on the Beyond Reality Radio show. I honestly didn’t expect a shirt though I gave them my address. It was an awesome surprise, because I’m a secret paranormal geek. Seriously, I watch ALL of the shows. I’m going through withdrawals not having Destination America right now. That channel legit ghost central, but our Direct TV does carry it on our current plan. Much bummer ;~; Next, Two Old Goats lotion. I’ve used this before, and it’s amazing. People in Fibromyalgia communities rave over it. And they’re right. I got two bottles with a pump through Amazon for not a bad price. Once again, I can’t link >_< sorry guys! But look it up. It helps with pain, and it gentle. Last but not least, got a six disk set of the Japanese version of the One Missed Call trilogy. And all for under $15 which is awesome. Out of all the Asian horror films I’ve ever seen, I have not seen One Missed Call! Not even the Americanized remake. So this will be fun ^_^


I’m loving the company of my therapist. I just started seeing her, only two sessions so far. She gave me this stone to help combat feelings of anxiety and self harm. Focusing on holding the stone, the details of it, etc. It helps.


Okay, so I lined up all of my essential oil blends. I found a pattern: they all have peppermint oil in them. Even if it’s not on the front of the bottle, it’s in the ingredients lists. As much as I like peppermint, I’m sick and tired of peppermint overpowering the other scents. Started using my single notes, mainly sweet orange. But…


…my therapist recommended this oil. We used it in session, and it helped my racing, hypomanic brain. I was so impressed I had to buy a bottle. It was pricey, but I consider it more like medication really.

Anyway, I’m going to stop here. Hope you all are well



Thumbs Up

Thumbs Up

Today I couldn’t do anything right.

Actually, I was stuck making a bunch of decisions I wasn’t prepared make, I panicked, and I did the things I did, because I was trying to make sure everyone was happy.

I was stuck in the position of wondering how to keep my friends, all of them at once, all the while trying not to be a horrible person, and so much more. I hadn’t felt shame for my life experiences in a long time. I wish it would have never happened. But then again, having a safe space for a group people like me was worth it. Totally worth it.

Whatever happened though, it was no one else’s fault. Even if it is, I won’t let it be.

I broke down when a good friend left me. Nothingness. I broke down with the unsurity and insecurity of my life. I think my heart will be okay. I think I will be okay. Let’s be safe.

I think the synthroid will work.You know, my p-doctor gave me a pep-talk Saturday afternoon? I didn’t want to take the synthroid because of a certain side effect. My doctor remarked that in all the sessions we have had since 2008 that I was never afraid of a medication. So why start now?

So I am on synthroid, and I hope I will feel better soon. I’m so tired, my hair is falling out, I hurt all over (which is more-so usual).

I wonder sometimes, am I broken? Or maybe I’m perfect the way I am? Maybe I have character…like a slightly cracked tea cup in an antique shop. Or maybe I’m unsalvageable. Please, I hope not.

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I broke down today and took this photo towards the end. You know, thumbs up? Keep going…

♥ xo

Personal Blog Post: Limetown, a taste of Korean Beauty Skincare, and other life events.

Personal Blog Post: Limetown, a taste of Korean Beauty Skincare, and other life events.

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First off, I finished Limetown, and it was the most amazingly horrific dystopian piece of entertainment I have come across in years, maybe even a decade. In fact, it’s one of the top scariest things I’ve come across in a long time. (Thanks to the episode, “Napoleon”). Please listen if you are a fan of radio dramas or even if you are new to them and love horror. 5/5 stars. You can listen through their site or download on iTunes.


Usually I am not the last to know something sigificant about my healthcare, but yesterday, I was definitely not aware. I had bloodwork earlier this week, then yesterday, I got a text alert on my phone from my pharmacy, saying I need to pick up a medication that had been filled. I assumed it was one of my regular meds…maybe my lithium, or HBC or something.

Nope! It was for Synthroid! By the time it was filled, it was too late to call my prescribing physician, so I made the call this morning. Apparently I have hypothyroidism. I am totally not surprised after looking at a list of symptoms on the Mayo Clinic website. Here’s a list of symptoms I’ve personally experienced:

  • Fatigue
  • Increased sensitiity to cold
  • Weight gain
  • Puffy face
  • Muscle weakness
  • Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness
  • Pain, stiffness or swelling in your joints
  • Thinning hair
  • Depression
  • Impaired memory

All of this has been going on since last summer, so getting close to a year. I’m too tired to be pissed off about it. I’m just glad I have that answer. I still have to go through the cardiology thing with the echocardiogram and stress tests plus wear that heart monitor.


So did I mention I splurged on Korean skincare/beauty products? I need two more products to have everything I need for my skin, but honestly, I don’t have the money to spare. I bought through memebox, and I was surprised at how affordable some things were. Before I knew it I placed three orders. No regrets.

So these will be reviewed. I hope to buy a toner and essence soon. Thx memebox!



The Perks of Flying on Xanax.

The Perks of Flying on Xanax.

Boarding the plane, there were few snags. For one, taking my laptop out prior to entering the plane is a “no no”. I have to legit have two carry ons, that is it. I even had to put Detective Pusheen away. That’s the end…concerning that. What was written in my journal, maybe some taken, some added.

The plane has taken off, and it really smells in here. I don’t know. maybe it’s just the plane. Oh shit, the lady next to me pulled out take out. There’s lettuce, and omg the smell is so gross, and that’s where the smell was coming from. Cute guy across the aisle but way too hipster. Pass. I used to never be afraid of flying, but they can’t keep the plane at a steady altitude, so the feeling that my stomach has been detached from my body goes away, thx? OMG how can u eat that right now? Holy shit. The whole cabin smells like lettuce + whatever other nastiness this lady is eating. I kind of want to go home. Totally forgot there was a word for salad. I was just calling it “lettuce and shit”. New reality show: Empaths on a Plane. I can tell she doesn’t want to sit with me. Fuck her pompous ass.

IT HAS ONLY BEEN A HALF HOUR…LOL. I think paranoia has kicked in. I want hipster dude across the aisle to stop staring god fucking dammit. FUCKING LETTUCE STILL SMELLS. NO, I DON’T WANT WATER.  Fuck, I want out of here, get the parachute (jk I don’t know how to use one). OMG just got “misted” with an opened can of soda. WTF LOL BEST FLIGHT EVER.

The Happy Self

The Happy Self

This is a personal blog post about things I’ve been happy about today. I’m taking a break from writing the serious stuff. You can stay in that forever, because it will kill you. So here I am at my most light-hearted.

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It is definite. My tickets to Dallas, Texas have been booked. I will be leaving on the 29th of February and returning that Thursday, super early in the morning ._.

short hair profile

I got a haircut today. I think it’s nice. I prefer my hair short. I can never pull off those long, curled styles that everyone is a so crazy about. When my hair gets long, it gets super flat on top and poofy on the ends, making my head look triangular. Fuck that.

In the same vein since I’m wearing the day’s make-up in my selfie, my new favorite thing? Garnier Micellar water.


It has taken me over a year to find a make-up remover that actually cleanses my face while removing my extremely stubborn kohl crayon liner and mascara (I swear I didn’t sign up for anything waterproof. It just sorta happened). It does not irritate the eyes whatsoever, and I got the bottle that specifically said it can be used on waterproof make up. Thank god for this. My mascara and eyeliner were gone completely in a couple swipes. That’s some Harry Potter shit.

At Fresh Market, I discovered these cute little keepsake boxes from Valentine’s Day. Immediately thought of how cute they would be as a pill holder. I take Xanax for anxiety, and I always need a few with me on the go.

I think I’ve broken down and decided to only pack my SweetMylk snap fauxdori (I may switch out to my 3 Speckled Fawns Fauxdori) traveler’s notebook and my diet journal on my trip to Dallas.


Everything else is too bulky, and I really can’t do bulky. I don’t want my checked baggage to be overweight, and I don’t want to carry that shit throughout the airport in my carry on which may be this floral bag.


Don’t ask me how season two of Supernatural got in there. It just did.

Anyway, the most important thing about today? I FINALLY got knitting ribbing down. And you know what? FUCK all those folks who said all you do for 2×2 ribbing is “knit two, purl two, knit two” all across the row.

mitten ribbing

They don’t say jackshit about purling the knits and knitting the purls on the next row, then going back to the “knit two, purl two”on the third row and so forth. This shit has wasted my time. Look how lovely it’s turning out though. That’s ten rows. Only ten more to go before I start working in stockinette stitch!

Have a great day tomorrow, friends :3