*Minor self harm discussion warning later in Personal Blog Post

First off, I want to talk about the state of my mental health. I am in a Bipolar mixed state, and I have been in some sort of Bipolar state interchangeably for a couple months, and it has been hell. For those who don’t know..a mixed state is like mania or hypomania with severe depression, sometimes suicidal depression for some individuals.

I’ve been wrist banging which is a type of self injury. I do it to inflict pain, get those endorphins (“feel-good” chemicals) running, and plus the banging releases frustrations I have.

Ridiculous right? The visual of someone beating their wrist against their knee or armchair seems laughable, but honestly, it’s not good. Not healthy. I’m learning coping mechanisms. Holding ice wasn’t the right pain for me. Wearing a hair tie and flicking it on my wrist has helped the most.

The issue though it my psychiatrist, who I love, is dropping the ball repeatedly. I don’t know how to approach the conversation with him without him possibly suggesting I see another psychiatrist. Fuck, I think it’s irrational fear to be honest. I don’t think he’d do that to me.

Anyway, just needed to vent that out.

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I decided to do some witchy things for the Black Moon Rising, mainly some major cleansing of gunk in my life, building protective wards, and healing. So far using candles, black salt, peppermint spray, and good ol’ fashioned intent.

Today is October 1st duh, and I’m already getting ready for Halloween like…back in the beginning of September? The pumpkins are here! Pumpkin Spice foods are here (Seriously, those pumpkin spice Belvita crackers are the shit!). I’m going to paint the white pumpkin. I’m going to try using glow in the dark neon paint to create a “dripping effect”. The orange one looks distressed, because it may be carved. And of course, I love those mini pumpkin gourds. I get a couple every year.

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I love Ross. I love them for their Betsey Johnson things. However yesterday I went and decided to get something that speaks “Autumn” to me. So I got the above backpack and boots. Under $30. So badass 😮

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So, there’s nothing to do while I’m in the middle of nowhere and the closest town is 20 minutes away. I’ve decided I’m going to finally really take up cross stitch. I mean it. I have these patterns. Charlie the Unicorn ❤

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I’m in love with Leuchtturm1917 notebooks, but I’ve never had the chance to purchase one at a good price. Well I found Goulet Pens and JetPens sell them at retail price…and not inflated as you would find on Amazon. I LOVE them. You have a chapter key, so you can archive what you’re writing and where it is in your notebook. Perfect for writers and journalers. I also recommend Pilot Frixion Point pens. I have some funky colors, but they have basic colors too. Most importantly, they are erasable 🙂

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Okay I’ll keep this brief. I love Pumpkin Spice. This tastes like shit.

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Okay…about The Shallows…I’m not going to make crude comments about Blake Lively’s lack of clothes, BECAUSE SHE IS IN THE WATER. SURFING. She is wearing the perfect amount of swimming clothes but nooooooo people can’t handle butts. The slight glimpse of a butt or side boob completely erases the legitimacy of a film? The movie is not about her body. I repeat, THE MOVIE IS NOT ABOUT HER BODY.

Okay, now that that’s out…I liked it. Liked. I don’t know how it got such high ratings in Rotten Tomatoes, but I’d give it a 7.5/10⭐️maybe 8⭐️for the final parts. I loved Lively’s character. She is a smart and resourceful woman, not to mention totally badass.

I went into this movie totally not ready to compare it to Jaws and I recommend anyone who decides to watch the movie to do the same. It’s not like Jaws whatsoever, the end.

Is it good though? I liked it. I watched it, and I wouldn’t mind watching it again if I were with someone who hadn’t seen it. For some reason I wasn’t feeling the suspense I probably should feel during stressful scenes.

Still, it’s a good movie, and I recommend it.

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My dōTERRA oil arrived. Hoping to get the Serenity oil too. Balance has eased some episodes I’m having.

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Lastly, I’m going to talk Podcasts. My heart has been captured by Welcome to Night Vale, and I highly recommend it. Since it is October and all things spooky happen in October more than any other month really, I want to recommend another podcast called Lore. The creator, Aaron, puts a lot of time and effort into each about 30 minutes long episodes. They have to do with dark historical events, sometimes how they tie into every day issues, and wow…it is beyond creepy. Want stories of human on human cannibalism? Jack the Ripper theories? The latest episode was about H.H. Holmes, touted as the first serial killer in the US and thought to possibly be Jack the Ripper as well. Anyway, do check it out of you want some spookiness in your life 🙂 And Happy October!

xo

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